Magical Athlete Game Review

Deciding on a rating for Magical Athlete, a practical concern and SEO necessity when posting on God’s Internet in 2025, puts the lie to the practice of ratings as a whole. There are lofty reasons for dismissing ratings, of course. They flatten art into a binary between “good and bad,” they provide the reader with a simple conclusion without requiring their engagement in nuance and details, yes, yes. I’m not talking about all that.

Rating Magical Athlete is impossible because nearly every single rating could be legitimately and fairly argued.

1/5

Magical Athlete is a roll & move, a type of game that went out of style some time in the 1950s. Think Snakes & Ladders or, if ophidiophobia is an issue, Chutes & Ladders. Think Monopoly without all the fun. Roll a die, move your piece, first one to the end wins. This sort of thing may have passed for a laugh riot prior to the invention of electrical wiring, but it doesn’t cut the mustard now.

Sure, original designer Takashi Ishida and aide-de-campe Richard Garfield (whoever that is) have gussied up the proceedings with bonkers character powers, but all they’ve really done is introduce busy work around the complete lack of decisions. I move, which makes you move, which makes her fall down, which makes them move,…

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