Help! I’m dating a gamesplainer!

Today we introduce a brand new feature to The Treehouse blog: an agony aunt column, in which we answer your questions, from serious to silly, on all topics board game-related!

Hello, and welcome to The Treehouse’s new agony aunt column!

I’m Chella, whom you may have met if you’ve visited The Treehouse before. It’s possible I taught you a party game, let you know that we had some corner brownies available in the cake display rack, or served you a Birdhouse Tea. 

Now you can get to know another side of me as the arbiter of both real and theoretical board game conundrums (including whether or not there exists a board game called Conundrum - there are two!) and you can send in questions from the comfort of your own home.

More on that later. For now, I will share with you my credentials… OK, I have no ‘official’ agony aunt credentials but I have worked at The Treehouse since our opening day, witnessed a lot of gaming and played plenty of board games myself (and with others!) and in that time I have helped solve many a game-related query.

Those questions were answered in person though, and the answers drifted into the board game aether. Now, in these uncertain days as we get back to board gaming in person, we felt it worthwhile to archive future answers in the annals of gaming history as a community resource, talking point, and a bit of fun. Lofty ambitions? Probably. Over-egging the importance of this column? Almost definitely!

But that’s sort of the theme of today’s column as I present to you our first question:

Help! I’m dating a gamesplainer!

Dear Treehouse team,

Please help! I’ve started dating a perfectly decent guy. My family loves him, he is an upstanding citizen, and he is very cute. But, there is a problem. Whenever we play board games together, he has a habit of doing this thing where he goes into what I can only call “gamesplainer mode”. I am calling it this because it is quite different to the way a human person would naturally and casually explain the rules to a game.

Instead, his normally jocular and mild-mannered tone morphs into something between a gameshow host, home shopping channel salesperson, and gladiator. Suddenly, winning and losing becomes a life-and-death struggle but, crucially, not understanding the rules or making a mistake when it is my turn suddenly feels like a crime.

I love playing board games with him but I dread unboxing a new game or playing one he’s played before and I haven’t. He even does it at other people’s houses and I cringe inside when I see ‘the fear’ spreading to them. How can I tell him that he can just be himself while explaining again and we will still listen and learn the rules?

Yours sincerely,

Gamesplained in Greystones

Dear Gamesplained in Greystones,

Thank you for your excellent question.

Firstly, I very much appreciate how you have differentiated between “game explainers” and “gamesplainers”. I think we can agree (and not just because it’s my favourite part of the job) that game explainers provide a valuable service in helping people get started on a new game quickly. Some folks are delighted by a twenty-eight-page rulebook, but others will take one look at that alongside the pile of stuff that came out of the box and be grateful that someone is willing to act as their lifeline. So just to be clear, we love a game explainer.

But then there are the gamesplainers. Those who let the power of superior knowledge go to their heads. Those who enjoy explaining the game more than the players may ever enjoy eventually playing it, who dive in without checking whether people already know the rules, and may even carry on explaining what other players should do on their turns even once the game has begun, and, potentially, long after all of the guests have gone home.

It’s easy enough to dismiss this as bombast, pomposity, or desperation to remain the focal point of the game night even at the expense of irritating or belittling fellow players. If that is what’s going on though, maybe gaming together should not be in your future. And if that’s a game changer (sorry), maybe it’s the relationship that’s not right. 

But if you simply find yourself rolling your eyes or sighing as your partner shifts gears into gamesplainer mode, I invite you to see this from another perspective...

From what I’ve witnessed, gamesplainers are most often simply game enthusiasts who allow their joy to spill over a little too freely (OK, sometimes freely enough to make me wish I were a gelatinous cube who could seep into the floor while hearing all about worker placement vs. tile placement, or fantasise about what I’d do if I really were Ursula or the Red Queen as an asymmetrical game is explained to me for the umpteenth time). But, for now, let’s assume your partner loves gaming so much that he nerds out, takes to an imagined game podium and gives the fantasy “Board Games Are Amazing And This One In Particular” lecture for the ages right there at the dining-room-table-turned-lecture-hall of his mind.

Right, with that context in mind, on to some solutions! One approach for dealing with the problem kindly could be to become a role model of good game explaining behaviour yourself, to set him on the right path while simultaneously providing some relief to your fellow gamers. Here are some pointers to get you started:

• First, when you know there’s a game night coming up, make game suggestions. Get in early with some options you know are an appropriate level of complexity for the group, with rules you are confident about already. On the night (board game night that is), you make the first move. Practice your speed and agility at explaining and, even if the game is new to you, don’t be afraid to make the first grab for that precious rulebook.

• OK, now games night is underway. Picture it: your ultimate board game playlist is playing, everybody’s drinks are poured, the stack of your chosen games awaits you at the end of the table. It’s time to showcase some excellent game explaining with a hands-on demonstration! Learning through doing is a great way to get everybody involved in learning the game, and people often feel more engaged as soon as they have the components at their fingertips.

• By the same token (sorry again) don’t be afraid to adapt the game to make it more appropriate to the audience. Dropping the more complex rules on the first play through or introducing trickier concepts after the first round are great ways to flatten the learning curve, and some games even come with quick-start rules to make this easier.

Now, taking the lead isn’t for everyone. If all that all sounds like too much stress, queuing up a YouTube walkthrough video (or better yet, sharing it with the group beforehand) could also be a good way to speed things up a little, while still giving your fella a (shorter) moment in the spotlight.

So, Gamesplained in Greystones, there you have it. It’s a slippery slope from explainer to ‘splainer (just ask anyone who’s in a relationship with any of The Treehouse staff!) so assume good intent, and don’t be afraid to take the reins and set a good example.

Good luck!

Chella on behalf of Team Treehouse xx

And there you have it! The very first Treehouse agony aunt column. If you would like to have your questions answered, please email The Treehouse at contact@treehousesheffield.com with the subject heading “Agony Aunt”. All letters will be anonymised. 

Chella Quint is a Treehouse staffer, board gamer, and author of Be Period Positive.